After two republican debates, 10 candidates have spoken for three hours about a lot of mostly irrelevant topics with mostly immature, condescending talking points designed to raise emotions while keeping intelligence and insight as far away from the stage as possible.
While they argue about every stem-cell, fighting-them-over-there, 9/11, abortive surge they can stir up, actual, real topics that matter to actual, real Americans are being ignored.
Just off the top of my head, I came up with these 30 as-yet unmentioned topics affecting more than just a few Americans.
1 - Healthcare and 50 million uninsured Americans.
2 - Hurricane Katrina and the (lack of) rebuilding in New Orleans and the Gulf Coast due to lack of promised funding. When democrats added it to the Iraq Accountability Act to further fund George W. Bush’s $560 billion venture in Iraq, Bush called it “pork”.
3 - Upgrades to securing the homeland, or, indeed, any homeland security proposals.
4 - Gas prices and oil company profits both at record levels.
5 - Corrrecting global warming and the environment.
6 - Energy production that doesn’t profit oil companies or pollute the planet (i.e. solar, wind, etc.).
7 - Numerous republican tax cuts that overwhelmingly favored the upper one percent.
8 - A $9 TRILLION (by Election Day 2008) republican national debt (which means that 100 million taxpayers each owe $90,000 to pay back what George W. Bush has borrowed so far - if no further anticipated debt or interest were to accrue).
9 - Underfunding education.
10 - Increasing gun violence.
11 - Alberto Gonzales (in conjunction with Karl Rove, Dick Cheney and George W. Bush) and his illegal and/or unethical actions as White House Council to the President.
12 - Alberto Gonzales (in conjunction with Karl Rove, Dick Cheney and George W. Bush) and his illegal and/or unethical actions as Attorney General.
13 - Scooter Libby (in conjunction with Karl Rove, Dick Cheney and George W. Bush) and the outing of a covert CIA operative and undercover program to prevent the truth from getting out about Iraq, Saddam Hussein, and the complete lack of a nuclear program or weapons of mass destruction.
14 - How three prior escalations in Iraq have failed, and what the backup plan is if/when the newest one doesn't work as they promised.
15 - How every escalation in Iraq has been prefaced with a give-it-90-days/six-months promise, but has never been addressed when the 90 days/six months ends.
16 - Unbid contracts in Iraq for companies such as Haliburton, which will pay a huge sum of money to Dick Cheney upon his leaving the vice-presidency in January 2009.
17 - Healthcare for veterans and wounded American military defeated by the republican Congress in April 2005.
18 - Conditions for families of military.
19 - The lack of a reserve military force.
20 - The lack of desert training for troops deployed to the Middle East.
21 - The lack of proper equipment, such as vehicle and body armor, night vision, helmet liners, and radio communication for military.
22 - The depletion of states’ national guard units.
23 - Substandard military pay.
24 - George W. Bush's attempts of raiding Social Security to help pay for Iraq. (Maybe Al Gore's "Social Security lockbox" phrase wasn't so silly after all.)
25 - George W. Bush's proposed Social Security plan involving gambling with the funds on stock market investments (after the first $2.2 TRILLION go to the wealthiest Americans). I guess he doesn't quite understand that Social Security is an insurance plan, not a pension plan.
26 - The administration's rejection of cheaper generic drugs for the elderly's Medicare.
27 - The administration's rejection of the ability to negotiate volume discounts on drugs for the elderly's Medicare.
28 - The administration's rejection of cheaper drugs from Canada for the elderly's Medicare.
29 - Richard Nixon (hey, they really like talking about other dead Republican presidents - Ronald Reagan, Gerald Ford, and, back when republicans were the progressive party, Abraham Lincoln).
30 - George W. Bush. Have you noticed? They're afraid to even say his name having mentioned it only once in each debate.
Monday, May 21, 2007
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Jerry Falwell has made this world a better place...
...now that he has left it.
To paraphrase an old joke it is said that when someone has died you should only say good.
Jerry Falwell died today. Good.
Besides conning and stealing hundreds of millions of dollars from those who would turn to him for prayerful support, Falwell also promoted hatred of virtually every demographic that was non-male, non-White, non-heterosexual, or non-Christian (the right kind of Christian - not the Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. type of Christian who believed that God loved all his children equally).
He supported segregation.
He supported apartheid.
He blamed everything from AIDS to the 9/11 attacks on non-males, non-Whites, non-heterosexuals, and non-Christians (or the wrong kind of Christians).
And he did it all in the name of God who he said committed these acts against humans out of anger and revenge.
If God is omnipotent, why would he be subject to primitive human emotions such as anger and revenge? If God is all-loving, why would he perform such acts of hatred against his children?
No, the real hatred, anger, and revenge came from within the heart and mind of Jerry Falwell - a criminal, bigoted, and evil man who may now have a lot of explaining to do to a certain supreme being.
To paraphrase an old joke it is said that when someone has died you should only say good.
Jerry Falwell died today. Good.
Besides conning and stealing hundreds of millions of dollars from those who would turn to him for prayerful support, Falwell also promoted hatred of virtually every demographic that was non-male, non-White, non-heterosexual, or non-Christian (the right kind of Christian - not the Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. type of Christian who believed that God loved all his children equally).
He supported segregation.
He supported apartheid.
He blamed everything from AIDS to the 9/11 attacks on non-males, non-Whites, non-heterosexuals, and non-Christians (or the wrong kind of Christians).
And he did it all in the name of God who he said committed these acts against humans out of anger and revenge.
If God is omnipotent, why would he be subject to primitive human emotions such as anger and revenge? If God is all-loving, why would he perform such acts of hatred against his children?
No, the real hatred, anger, and revenge came from within the heart and mind of Jerry Falwell - a criminal, bigoted, and evil man who may now have a lot of explaining to do to a certain supreme being.
Friday, May 11, 2007
Move Over Jack Taylor, Here Comes Barry Bonds
You're probably thinking that headline is a mistake. Surely, you surmise, I meant to say, “Move Over Hank Aaron, Here Comes Barry Bonds”. It is, after all, Hank Aaron whose career Home Run record Barry Bonds will soon be breaking.
No, I meant Jack Taylor – the holder of the single most unbreakable record in major league baseball although that’s not the reason for the comparison.
You probably haven’t heard of Jack Taylor because, due to changes in the conditions of the game, his record is now almost meaningless just like the career Home Run record is about to be.
Taylor pitched in the major leagues for 10 years in the first decade of the 20th century, mostly for the Chicago Cubs, then a powerhouse team.
Four years Taylor won 20 games, but that’s not his record. He was a decent enough hitter that he even played 15 games at 3B, but that’s not his record.
His unequaled feat is that from 1901 to 1906 Jack Taylor pitched 185 consecutive Complete Games.
As an addendum to that record, Jack Taylor also holds the record for the highest percentage of career Complete Games pitched at 97.2% (278 Complete Games out of 286 total Games Pitched).
So why isn’t Jack Taylor in the Hall of Fame? Why isn’t the best pitcher award called the Jack Taylor Award? Why isn’t Jack Taylor touted for the pitching ironman record the way Cal Ripken, Jr. and Lou Gehrig are held up today as the top two all-time record holders for Consecutive Games played by position players?
After all, Taylor TWICE pitched both halves of a doubleheader, and once eclipsed that by pitching a complete game in a 19-inning extra-inning affair.
But we don’t celebrate Taylor, a fine pitcher of his day, for his records because almost no one pitches Complete Games today. The record has become a yawn. Pitchers today face conditions far different from 100 years ago.
Pitchers today throw harder to be more effective while they’re in the game. Pitchers 100 years ago threw more for movement and location, but saved something on their velocity so they could go longer in games. The ball wasn't wound as tightly so Home Runs were much less common in the dead-ball era before 1919.
Rosters today carry 10 to 12 pitchers per game to allow for frequent replacements. Rosters 100 years ago carried six or seven pitchers because there wasn’t enough talent to go around.
The last time a pitcher threw as many as four consecutive Complete Games was Roy Halladay in 2003. Halladay would have had to do that 45 more times in a row to get close to Taylor.
Likewise, the conditions of the game played by Barry Bonds are completely different from those played by Hank Aaron.
Bonds has never denied the accusations of two San Francisco Chronicle reporters who wrote a book detailing illegal cheating by Bonds with steroid and Human Growth Hormone (HGH) abuse.
If you think basbeall's steroid and HGH cheating are all in the past, think again. Human Growth Hormone is STILL NOT TESTED by Major League Baseball.
In 2006, Barry Bonds announced he was going to play for the United States in the World Baseball Classic tournament. He pulled out shortly after the tournament announced it would test for Human Growth Hormone.
From the time Hank Aaron came up in the 1950s, and throughout his brilliant career into the 1970s, he never had breakthrough years going from 20 home runs to 70 home runs in a season. Aaron never gained 40 pounds of pure muscle. Aaron never went from a size 10 shoe to a size 13½. Aaron never gained several hat sizes.
Aaron relied on great talent and hard work. Aaron was able to face hateful and racist remarks from Babe Ruth admirers with quiet dignity and self-respect when he eclispsed the Ruth's career Home Run mark.
Accusations against Bonds of wife-cheating, tax-cheating, and baseball-cheating combined with his disdain for the media and fans have long since claimed any respect due from either himself or from those who love the game.
It bears repeating. Human Growth Hormone is STILL NOT TESTED by Major League Baseball.
Records are made to be broken, and the falling of Aaron’s mark was inevitable. As the career Home Run record is overcome by Barry Bonds, we don’t mourn the passing of the memories of Babe Ruth and Hank Aaron, or their names in past record books.
What we mourn is the passing of the formerly time-honored record’s importance.
Barry Bonds has not only diminished the value of this once-revered record, but he has also become as relevant as Jack Taylor, the holder of a record that just doesn’t mean as much anymore.
No, I meant Jack Taylor – the holder of the single most unbreakable record in major league baseball although that’s not the reason for the comparison.
You probably haven’t heard of Jack Taylor because, due to changes in the conditions of the game, his record is now almost meaningless just like the career Home Run record is about to be.
Taylor pitched in the major leagues for 10 years in the first decade of the 20th century, mostly for the Chicago Cubs, then a powerhouse team.
Four years Taylor won 20 games, but that’s not his record. He was a decent enough hitter that he even played 15 games at 3B, but that’s not his record.
His unequaled feat is that from 1901 to 1906 Jack Taylor pitched 185 consecutive Complete Games.
As an addendum to that record, Jack Taylor also holds the record for the highest percentage of career Complete Games pitched at 97.2% (278 Complete Games out of 286 total Games Pitched).
So why isn’t Jack Taylor in the Hall of Fame? Why isn’t the best pitcher award called the Jack Taylor Award? Why isn’t Jack Taylor touted for the pitching ironman record the way Cal Ripken, Jr. and Lou Gehrig are held up today as the top two all-time record holders for Consecutive Games played by position players?
After all, Taylor TWICE pitched both halves of a doubleheader, and once eclipsed that by pitching a complete game in a 19-inning extra-inning affair.
But we don’t celebrate Taylor, a fine pitcher of his day, for his records because almost no one pitches Complete Games today. The record has become a yawn. Pitchers today face conditions far different from 100 years ago.
Pitchers today throw harder to be more effective while they’re in the game. Pitchers 100 years ago threw more for movement and location, but saved something on their velocity so they could go longer in games. The ball wasn't wound as tightly so Home Runs were much less common in the dead-ball era before 1919.
Rosters today carry 10 to 12 pitchers per game to allow for frequent replacements. Rosters 100 years ago carried six or seven pitchers because there wasn’t enough talent to go around.
The last time a pitcher threw as many as four consecutive Complete Games was Roy Halladay in 2003. Halladay would have had to do that 45 more times in a row to get close to Taylor.
Likewise, the conditions of the game played by Barry Bonds are completely different from those played by Hank Aaron.
Bonds has never denied the accusations of two San Francisco Chronicle reporters who wrote a book detailing illegal cheating by Bonds with steroid and Human Growth Hormone (HGH) abuse.
If you think basbeall's steroid and HGH cheating are all in the past, think again. Human Growth Hormone is STILL NOT TESTED by Major League Baseball.
In 2006, Barry Bonds announced he was going to play for the United States in the World Baseball Classic tournament. He pulled out shortly after the tournament announced it would test for Human Growth Hormone.
From the time Hank Aaron came up in the 1950s, and throughout his brilliant career into the 1970s, he never had breakthrough years going from 20 home runs to 70 home runs in a season. Aaron never gained 40 pounds of pure muscle. Aaron never went from a size 10 shoe to a size 13½. Aaron never gained several hat sizes.
Aaron relied on great talent and hard work. Aaron was able to face hateful and racist remarks from Babe Ruth admirers with quiet dignity and self-respect when he eclispsed the Ruth's career Home Run mark.
Accusations against Bonds of wife-cheating, tax-cheating, and baseball-cheating combined with his disdain for the media and fans have long since claimed any respect due from either himself or from those who love the game.
It bears repeating. Human Growth Hormone is STILL NOT TESTED by Major League Baseball.
Records are made to be broken, and the falling of Aaron’s mark was inevitable. As the career Home Run record is overcome by Barry Bonds, we don’t mourn the passing of the memories of Babe Ruth and Hank Aaron, or their names in past record books.
What we mourn is the passing of the formerly time-honored record’s importance.
Barry Bonds has not only diminished the value of this once-revered record, but he has also become as relevant as Jack Taylor, the holder of a record that just doesn’t mean as much anymore.
Friday, May 4, 2007
Absolutely, Unbelievbaly TRUE Political News!!!!
I'm not kidding. No satire this time. These U.S. political news stories from this week are 100 percent TRUE!
1. Arab tourists spend $12 Billion a year traveling abroad. Got that? $12 BILLION! These aren't militant Islamic extremists I'm talking about. These are law abiding, rank and file citizens just like you and me, except they spend a LOT of money traveling abroad. This week, Dubai hosted a foreign travel tourism convention where representatives from other countries were able to show off how wonderful it is to travel to their countries. Instead of sending promoters for the United States, U.S. officials sent two guys from the Homeland Security office who were there to explain to potential visitors how they'd be fingerprinted and tracked upon their entrance into the United States! The stupidity of discrimination and prejudice is ASTOUNDING.
2. At Thursday night's Republican presidential debate, Tommy Thompson actually said employers should be allowed to discriminate against workers who were gay. One wonders if he would also allow employers to discriminate against workers who were straight, but adulterers. Would he have employment applications exploring one's sexual preferences and conduct, or perhaps simply upside-down pink triangle patches so we can identify those people at a glance? I'm sure the evangelically-preferred party would have no problem with that considering that John McCain, Rudy Giuliani, and Newt Gingrich have a history of eight divorces between them, mistresses living with them in the house along with their minor children (who have now become of age and disowned the father, and vice versa), an ex-wife first finding about their impending divorce when seeing it announced on television, an ex-wife having to sign divorce papers while dying of cancer in her hospital bed, and even a marriage to a cousin!
3. Despite a sitting, two-term president from the same party, the republican candidates went to great extremes not to mention George W. Bush's name. In 90 minutes, the candidates mentioned the president's name only once. Sen. Sam Brownback said,"I'd leave that up to President Bush" when asked about pardoning Dick Cheney's senior deputy Scooter Libby who was found guilty on four counts of obstructing justice and lying while trying to cover up for the outing of undercover CIA agent Valerie Plame thus destroying years of covert CIA work in order to prevent the American people from knowing that the republicans were misleading them about any threat from Iraq in the run-up to the invasion. On the other hand, they mentioned the late Ronald Reagan's name an astounding 19 times!
4. Three republican candidates actually admitted to not believing in evolution - Sam Brownback, Mike Huckabee, and Tom Tancredo. I wonder if they believe in that whole "Earth revolves around the Sun" theory.
And, like, my sneak preview predicted, the republicans had a lot of hate-speach against Mexicans, gays, women, etc., although maybe not in the exact words I predicted. Still, the evidence of Alzheimer's Disease among the candidates was very Reaganesque.
1. Arab tourists spend $12 Billion a year traveling abroad. Got that? $12 BILLION! These aren't militant Islamic extremists I'm talking about. These are law abiding, rank and file citizens just like you and me, except they spend a LOT of money traveling abroad. This week, Dubai hosted a foreign travel tourism convention where representatives from other countries were able to show off how wonderful it is to travel to their countries. Instead of sending promoters for the United States, U.S. officials sent two guys from the Homeland Security office who were there to explain to potential visitors how they'd be fingerprinted and tracked upon their entrance into the United States! The stupidity of discrimination and prejudice is ASTOUNDING.
2. At Thursday night's Republican presidential debate, Tommy Thompson actually said employers should be allowed to discriminate against workers who were gay. One wonders if he would also allow employers to discriminate against workers who were straight, but adulterers. Would he have employment applications exploring one's sexual preferences and conduct, or perhaps simply upside-down pink triangle patches so we can identify those people at a glance? I'm sure the evangelically-preferred party would have no problem with that considering that John McCain, Rudy Giuliani, and Newt Gingrich have a history of eight divorces between them, mistresses living with them in the house along with their minor children (who have now become of age and disowned the father, and vice versa), an ex-wife first finding about their impending divorce when seeing it announced on television, an ex-wife having to sign divorce papers while dying of cancer in her hospital bed, and even a marriage to a cousin!
3. Despite a sitting, two-term president from the same party, the republican candidates went to great extremes not to mention George W. Bush's name. In 90 minutes, the candidates mentioned the president's name only once. Sen. Sam Brownback said,"I'd leave that up to President Bush" when asked about pardoning Dick Cheney's senior deputy Scooter Libby who was found guilty on four counts of obstructing justice and lying while trying to cover up for the outing of undercover CIA agent Valerie Plame thus destroying years of covert CIA work in order to prevent the American people from knowing that the republicans were misleading them about any threat from Iraq in the run-up to the invasion. On the other hand, they mentioned the late Ronald Reagan's name an astounding 19 times!
4. Three republican candidates actually admitted to not believing in evolution - Sam Brownback, Mike Huckabee, and Tom Tancredo. I wonder if they believe in that whole "Earth revolves around the Sun" theory.
And, like, my sneak preview predicted, the republicans had a lot of hate-speach against Mexicans, gays, women, etc., although maybe not in the exact words I predicted. Still, the evidence of Alzheimer's Disease among the candidates was very Reaganesque.
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Sneak Preview of the Repbulican Debate
Names are hidden to protect the clueless, but here's a little bit of what we'll see this week...
Moderator: We went over our rules. Each of you will have 30 seconds and we'll allow a 15-second rebuttal from a second candidate. Question number one is for you, Candidate 1, the American presence in Iraq has lasted longer than World War II, we're on our third surge in a little more than a year to increas troop levels again, attacks against Americans are up, American casualties are up, Iraqi casualties are up... if you were president right now, what would you do?
Candiadate 1: We need to stay the course. We haven't given this latest surge enough time. Six months should do it.
Moderator: But in each of the previous surges, they were also accompanied by a six-month time estimate, and in each the situation worsened. Isn't six months really just an arbitrary time period in order to give the public enough time to forget the previous misstep?
Candidate 1: Obviously you're not paying attention to the new history. That's the old history you're talking about. The new history is that we're doing better every day. Just ask General Petraeus.
Moderator: Speaking of General Petraeus, Candidate Two, he said this week, "The level of horrific attacks like the one that killed nine US soldiers at a patrol base in Diyala province April 23 is still too high." What is the level of horrific attacks that is acceptable?
Candidate 2: Off the top of my head, I would say a level that kills fewer than nine Americans at a time. Of course, I don't want to go out on a limb and put words in the general's mouth. It's really all the democrats fault for trying to give soldiers money the wrong way.
Moderator: Doesn't the Iraq Accountability Act actually give more money than what the republicans are asking for by additionally funding hospitalization for soldiers and veterans?
Candidate 2: That's just a slick trick to pretend they support the troops. We know how to support the troops - by not pampering them with things like health care or body armor. We're already catering their meals through private contractors. Isn't that enough? Next they'll be wanting armored vehicles and night vision goggles, too.
Moderator: The sticking point with the democratic funding bill is that the president doesn't want any deadline to leave Iraq. What incentive will Iraq have to take over control of their own country if they have no deadline?
Candidate 3: You can't just give them a date for our withdrawal or else they'll simply wait and stop the attacks until we leave. Is that what you want - peace in the country for several months while Iraq brings their own people together?
Moderator: Candidate 4, Iraq has put the American economy into the worst national debt of any country in the history of Planet Earth. What will...
Candidate 4: What's with all these questions about Iraq? Don't you want to ask me about flag burning or the proper ways to hate gays and minorities, you know, our special areas of expertise?
Candidate 1: You don't hate gays nearly as much as I do.
Candidate 4: Are you kidding? I've been hating gays since before you were born. I hate them more than you and Candidate 2 combined.
Candidate 2: Well, you may have a great record on hating gays, but I'm really big on hating Mexicans. What have you done to hate the Mexicans?
Moderator: Could we please have some order?
Candidate 1: My record is very solid in hating Mexicans. Blacks, too!
Candidate 3: You love the blacks compared to me. In fact, I not only hate the Mexicans and the blacks, but I led the fight against women.
Moderator: Please, everyone, this isn't a free for all...
Candidate 2: You know, there's nothing quite as much fun as denying rights to women.
Candidate 1: That's true.
Moderator: Please calm down everyone, I have another question...
Candidate 4: Except, of course, for denying science.
Candidate 3: That goes without saying. If you have to deny anything, it's science. Unless by "science" you're talking about using taxpayer money to pay full price to pharmaceutical companies for old people's drugs. Old people - that's another group we're pampering too much.
Moderator: All right, Candidate 4, I'll change topics. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales said 72 times to Congress that he didn't remember anything having to do with directing the Department of Justice to act without justice for all, but rather to direct attacks against democrats and show favoritism to republicans and their elections. Isn't that odd that he would have such a blank mind even forgetting meeting with the president?
Candidate 4: Certainly not. I've had many forgettable meetings with the president myself.
Moderator: We went over our rules. Each of you will have 30 seconds and we'll allow a 15-second rebuttal from a second candidate. Question number one is for you, Candidate 1, the American presence in Iraq has lasted longer than World War II, we're on our third surge in a little more than a year to increas troop levels again, attacks against Americans are up, American casualties are up, Iraqi casualties are up... if you were president right now, what would you do?
Candiadate 1: We need to stay the course. We haven't given this latest surge enough time. Six months should do it.
Moderator: But in each of the previous surges, they were also accompanied by a six-month time estimate, and in each the situation worsened. Isn't six months really just an arbitrary time period in order to give the public enough time to forget the previous misstep?
Candidate 1: Obviously you're not paying attention to the new history. That's the old history you're talking about. The new history is that we're doing better every day. Just ask General Petraeus.
Moderator: Speaking of General Petraeus, Candidate Two, he said this week, "The level of horrific attacks like the one that killed nine US soldiers at a patrol base in Diyala province April 23 is still too high." What is the level of horrific attacks that is acceptable?
Candidate 2: Off the top of my head, I would say a level that kills fewer than nine Americans at a time. Of course, I don't want to go out on a limb and put words in the general's mouth. It's really all the democrats fault for trying to give soldiers money the wrong way.
Moderator: Doesn't the Iraq Accountability Act actually give more money than what the republicans are asking for by additionally funding hospitalization for soldiers and veterans?
Candidate 2: That's just a slick trick to pretend they support the troops. We know how to support the troops - by not pampering them with things like health care or body armor. We're already catering their meals through private contractors. Isn't that enough? Next they'll be wanting armored vehicles and night vision goggles, too.
Moderator: The sticking point with the democratic funding bill is that the president doesn't want any deadline to leave Iraq. What incentive will Iraq have to take over control of their own country if they have no deadline?
Candidate 3: You can't just give them a date for our withdrawal or else they'll simply wait and stop the attacks until we leave. Is that what you want - peace in the country for several months while Iraq brings their own people together?
Moderator: Candidate 4, Iraq has put the American economy into the worst national debt of any country in the history of Planet Earth. What will...
Candidate 4: What's with all these questions about Iraq? Don't you want to ask me about flag burning or the proper ways to hate gays and minorities, you know, our special areas of expertise?
Candidate 1: You don't hate gays nearly as much as I do.
Candidate 4: Are you kidding? I've been hating gays since before you were born. I hate them more than you and Candidate 2 combined.
Candidate 2: Well, you may have a great record on hating gays, but I'm really big on hating Mexicans. What have you done to hate the Mexicans?
Moderator: Could we please have some order?
Candidate 1: My record is very solid in hating Mexicans. Blacks, too!
Candidate 3: You love the blacks compared to me. In fact, I not only hate the Mexicans and the blacks, but I led the fight against women.
Moderator: Please, everyone, this isn't a free for all...
Candidate 2: You know, there's nothing quite as much fun as denying rights to women.
Candidate 1: That's true.
Moderator: Please calm down everyone, I have another question...
Candidate 4: Except, of course, for denying science.
Candidate 3: That goes without saying. If you have to deny anything, it's science. Unless by "science" you're talking about using taxpayer money to pay full price to pharmaceutical companies for old people's drugs. Old people - that's another group we're pampering too much.
Moderator: All right, Candidate 4, I'll change topics. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales said 72 times to Congress that he didn't remember anything having to do with directing the Department of Justice to act without justice for all, but rather to direct attacks against democrats and show favoritism to republicans and their elections. Isn't that odd that he would have such a blank mind even forgetting meeting with the president?
Candidate 4: Certainly not. I've had many forgettable meetings with the president myself.
Sunday, April 22, 2007
Take me to my leader?
Bubba had fallen asleep with his fishing pole still in his hand on that quiet Georgia summer night. Suddenyl a bright light accompanied by a nearly quiet "soosh" from above awakened him.
Frozen with fear, Bubba watched as a hatched opened and a little green man appeared. "Ooszw xra kame Oif. Lu tapp endorge, oaa?" the alien asked before turning a switch on his belt.
"Wait, now that should be better," the alien said after turning on his universal translater. "I am Oif. I'm a scout who has come from far away to explore your world and maybe see if I help you sort through some problems."
"I'm Bubba," he responded.
"Bubba, take me to your leader."
Bubba thought for a minute. "I'm not sure what you mean."
"Well, who's the head of this planet?"
"Lots of people control different parts of our world."
"Who controls the most?" Oif asked.
"That would be China," Bubba said. They have the most people and they control most of our money, but they're not as active around the world as this country, the United States, is."
"Then who leads the United States?" Oif asked.
"That would be President George W. Bush. He's the one we put in office."
"Then take me to this George W. Bush. I need to speak with someone who knows all the issues facing your planet," Oif said.
"Uhhhh, maybe Mr. Bush isn't your best choice. His Vice-President, Dick Cheney, probably knows a bit more about such things."
"Very well," the alien said, "then take me to Dick Cheney. I need to speak to someone who leads, has great knowledge, and has a good heart for the people of this world."
"Uhhhh, maybe Mr. Cheney isn't your best choice. He's not known for being the most kind-hearted person around."
"Who's in charge of policing this place?" Oif asked. "Perhaps that is the person who I need to seek out."
"That would be Attorney General Alberto Gonzales," Bubba said. "He's the nation's leading law enforcement officer. He would know good people from bad people."
"Good, then let's see this Alberto Gonzales person," the alien responded. "I need to speak to someone who leads, has great knowledge, has a good heart for the people of this world, and can treat all people without favoritism. I am here, after all, to help all people of your world."
"Uhhhh, maybe Mr. Gonzales isn't your best choice. He only favors certain people - the ones who support Bush and Cheney and Rove."
"Rove?" Oif asked. "Is Rove the human who leads, has great knowledge, and has a good heart for the people of this world, and can treat all people without favoritism?"
"Uhhhh, noooooo, I don't think Rove quite fits that description," Bubba said.
Then, like a flash, it came to the Georgia fisherman. "I think you should speak to Al Gore. He actually had more people vote for him than Mr. Bush."
"Does Al Gore have great knowledge?" Oif asked.
"Oh yes. He's one of our leading experts on the condition of this planet."
"Does Al Gore have a good heart for the people of this world?" asked the alien?
"I think he cares about all life on this planet."
"Does Al Gore treat all people without favoritism?" asked the little green man.
"I don't think it matters to him where people live as long as he can preserve human life."
"And he had more people supporting him than the others?" asked a now very confused alien.
"Yes," Bubba said, "but our top judges selected Mr. Bush instead."
"If you're so unintelligent as to do that to yourselves I don't think this is a place civilized enough to warrant my help," the alien said. He quickly stepped back into his ship and sped away like a dot into the night.
Bubba watched the spaceship disappear into the night sky and said to himself, "If he needed things to change right away, maybe I should have just told him to see Nancy Pelosi. She's good at that."
Frozen with fear, Bubba watched as a hatched opened and a little green man appeared. "Ooszw xra kame Oif. Lu tapp endorge, oaa?" the alien asked before turning a switch on his belt.
"Wait, now that should be better," the alien said after turning on his universal translater. "I am Oif. I'm a scout who has come from far away to explore your world and maybe see if I help you sort through some problems."
"I'm Bubba," he responded.
"Bubba, take me to your leader."
Bubba thought for a minute. "I'm not sure what you mean."
"Well, who's the head of this planet?"
"Lots of people control different parts of our world."
"Who controls the most?" Oif asked.
"That would be China," Bubba said. They have the most people and they control most of our money, but they're not as active around the world as this country, the United States, is."
"Then who leads the United States?" Oif asked.
"That would be President George W. Bush. He's the one we put in office."
"Then take me to this George W. Bush. I need to speak with someone who knows all the issues facing your planet," Oif said.
"Uhhhh, maybe Mr. Bush isn't your best choice. His Vice-President, Dick Cheney, probably knows a bit more about such things."
"Very well," the alien said, "then take me to Dick Cheney. I need to speak to someone who leads, has great knowledge, and has a good heart for the people of this world."
"Uhhhh, maybe Mr. Cheney isn't your best choice. He's not known for being the most kind-hearted person around."
"Who's in charge of policing this place?" Oif asked. "Perhaps that is the person who I need to seek out."
"That would be Attorney General Alberto Gonzales," Bubba said. "He's the nation's leading law enforcement officer. He would know good people from bad people."
"Good, then let's see this Alberto Gonzales person," the alien responded. "I need to speak to someone who leads, has great knowledge, has a good heart for the people of this world, and can treat all people without favoritism. I am here, after all, to help all people of your world."
"Uhhhh, maybe Mr. Gonzales isn't your best choice. He only favors certain people - the ones who support Bush and Cheney and Rove."
"Rove?" Oif asked. "Is Rove the human who leads, has great knowledge, and has a good heart for the people of this world, and can treat all people without favoritism?"
"Uhhhh, noooooo, I don't think Rove quite fits that description," Bubba said.
Then, like a flash, it came to the Georgia fisherman. "I think you should speak to Al Gore. He actually had more people vote for him than Mr. Bush."
"Does Al Gore have great knowledge?" Oif asked.
"Oh yes. He's one of our leading experts on the condition of this planet."
"Does Al Gore have a good heart for the people of this world?" asked the alien?
"I think he cares about all life on this planet."
"Does Al Gore treat all people without favoritism?" asked the little green man.
"I don't think it matters to him where people live as long as he can preserve human life."
"And he had more people supporting him than the others?" asked a now very confused alien.
"Yes," Bubba said, "but our top judges selected Mr. Bush instead."
"If you're so unintelligent as to do that to yourselves I don't think this is a place civilized enough to warrant my help," the alien said. He quickly stepped back into his ship and sped away like a dot into the night.
Bubba watched the spaceship disappear into the night sky and said to himself, "If he needed things to change right away, maybe I should have just told him to see Nancy Pelosi. She's good at that."
Sunday, April 15, 2007
Bravery and Baseball
It's strange how two of my greatest heroes in life come from the world of baseball. Today celebrates the life of one of those great men - Jackie Robinson.
Jackie Robinson was a Hall of Fame second baseman for the Dodgers, then in Brooklyn, who began his career 60 years ago today, April 15, 1947.
The story goes that when Dodgers owner Branch Rickey signed Jackie, he asked him what he would do if a racist white man threatened him with violence and called him every disgusting name he could think of.
Robinson asked Rickey if he was wondering whether or not the young player had the guts to fight back. Rickey said, "No, I'm wondering whether or not you have the guts NOT to fight back."
Robinson suffered quietly through untold abuse. When the team traveled to some southern cities, he couldn't stay at the team hotel or eat with the other players at the same restaurants.
Some southern racists on other teams refused to play against Jackie, and when forced to, tried to injure Robinson on purpose.
Robinson even had ignorant southern racists on his own team such as OF Dixie Walker who refused to acknowledge his black teammate.
Some people think Robinson was selected to be the first black baseball player because he was the greatest player in the Negro Leagues, but that's not true.
Robinson was very talented, but hadn't completely honed his skills. Rickey wanted a player who would have to earn his way up through the baseball minor league system like any other player.
After spending time with the Dodgers minor league team in Montreal, Robinson joined the big league club in Brooklyn. Robinson earned the 1947 Rookie of the Year award.
After baseball, Robinson lived his life as a speaker, a writer, and an activist; but always maintained the quiet dignity and pride he projected in his playing days.
I mentioned at the top that I have two great heroes in baseball. The other is Lou Gehrig, a man who maintained a similar dignity and pride when struggling in another battle - the battle for his still young life as a crippling disease ended it.
While Lou Gehrig showed us how to handle death, Jackie Robinson showed us how to live life.
Robinson made the Baseball Hall of Fame by his achievments on the baseball diamond, but he makes the Hall of Fame for humanity by his achievments everywhere else.
Jackie Robinson was a Hall of Fame second baseman for the Dodgers, then in Brooklyn, who began his career 60 years ago today, April 15, 1947.
The story goes that when Dodgers owner Branch Rickey signed Jackie, he asked him what he would do if a racist white man threatened him with violence and called him every disgusting name he could think of.
Robinson asked Rickey if he was wondering whether or not the young player had the guts to fight back. Rickey said, "No, I'm wondering whether or not you have the guts NOT to fight back."
Robinson suffered quietly through untold abuse. When the team traveled to some southern cities, he couldn't stay at the team hotel or eat with the other players at the same restaurants.
Some southern racists on other teams refused to play against Jackie, and when forced to, tried to injure Robinson on purpose.
Robinson even had ignorant southern racists on his own team such as OF Dixie Walker who refused to acknowledge his black teammate.
Some people think Robinson was selected to be the first black baseball player because he was the greatest player in the Negro Leagues, but that's not true.
Robinson was very talented, but hadn't completely honed his skills. Rickey wanted a player who would have to earn his way up through the baseball minor league system like any other player.
After spending time with the Dodgers minor league team in Montreal, Robinson joined the big league club in Brooklyn. Robinson earned the 1947 Rookie of the Year award.
After baseball, Robinson lived his life as a speaker, a writer, and an activist; but always maintained the quiet dignity and pride he projected in his playing days.
I mentioned at the top that I have two great heroes in baseball. The other is Lou Gehrig, a man who maintained a similar dignity and pride when struggling in another battle - the battle for his still young life as a crippling disease ended it.
While Lou Gehrig showed us how to handle death, Jackie Robinson showed us how to live life.
Robinson made the Baseball Hall of Fame by his achievments on the baseball diamond, but he makes the Hall of Fame for humanity by his achievments everywhere else.
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